Circumcision!

First, a few disclaimers: No, I do not currently have an opinion in the pro- vs. anti- circumcision debate. No, I do not know if I will have my boys circumcised if/when I have kids. No, I do not plan on including any photos with this post.

There are three accepted techniques of performing a circumcision: the Gomco (Pamchenko?), the Plastibell, and the Thing That I Haven't Yet Learned. The Gomco involves a steel device that looks like an old-timey pocket stapler to hold the baby boy's foreskin while you make a clean cut around it with a scalpel. The Plastibell uses a plastic contraption and string that also guides the doctor in cutting the foreskin, but a plastic collar remains around the penis for a few days to a week. One of the benefits of the Plastibell is that the baby doesn't need to have any bandages; the ring, along with some dried skin, falls off in a few days to a week on its own. One of the benefits of the Gomco is that parents don't need to worry about something falling off of their baby's penis in a few days to a week: an event that may be disconcerting, especially to squeamish fathers.

I first encountered these procedures in a conference room, where a line of play-dough model penises were wrapped in nitrile foreskins cut from the fingers of blue exam gloves. The order of operations seemed simple enough: clean and locally anesthetize, clamp the foreskin and break any adhesions, place the device of choice, and snip. No problem!

When I observed a doctor perform the procedure for real, the baby getting circumcised seemed to think there was a problem. In fact, he decided this would be a great venue to attempt a new record for the longest string of rude comments ever screamed out in baby language. Eventually, the upper-register receptor cells in my ears degenerated from overuse so this wasn't a persistent issue. By the end of the procedure, when the baby was safely back in Mom's arms, we were all friends once again.